Peacemaking
at the OK Corral! Judge Judy helps plaintiffs and defendants
find win-win solutions! 'Survivor' contestants give up the fight
and decide to share the prize! Do any of these programs sound like
winners in the ratings wars? Producers would probably be wise
to pass them up; peacemaking, win-win solutions and cooperation are
not likely to appeal to the mainstream. As a culture, we are
much more interested in watching people tear each other apart, figuratively
and literally, than see them work together for some abstract greater
good.
The ADR Professional As A Catalyst For Transformation
Those of us who are engaged in helping people resolve their differences
constructively, whether we call ourselves transformative, facilitative,
or evaluative mediators, facilitators, collaborative problem-solvers,
or generic ADR specialists, are all engaged in the 'transformation'
of our clients. This is true for the simple reason that constructive
conflict resolution is not the norm for the vast majority of the people
we serve.
Most people living in 21st century America have learned
to approach conflicts as win-lose, fixed pie, zero-sum situations
in which one party to a dispute can win only at another's expense.
In addition, most have absorbed messages about the negative value
of compromise and that 'giving in' means that you are weak, which
is a bad thing. For most of our clients, their experience with
us will be the first time that they have been asked to approach conflict
differently. And it often comes at a moment in their lives in
which they are experiencing a plethora of unusually intense and unsettling
emotions. So in the midst of their own strong feelings, a culturally
enhanced wish to 'win', and a psychologically based need to stay in
control of the situation, we ask them to slow down, listen patiently
to their 'adversary', reveal their true feelings and interests, suspend
their judgments and work as 'partners' to find integrative solutions.
Hah!
How do we bring about such a shift? What tools do we have to
'transform' a client's attitude from wanting to 'win' and perhaps
even to punish the other party in some way, to a belief in the value
of searching for a solution that is satisfying to all parties and
a willingness to participate in such a process? How do
we keep them engaged when the going gets rough and their natural inclination
is to fall back on the tried and true patterns of fight or flight?
How do we meet them, connect with them, inspire their trust in the
process and in our ability to guide it to a constructive conclusion?
It doesn't require an advanced degree to realize that something more
then academic knowledge and methodically applied techniques are indicated.
Training To Become A Change Agent
We have volumes of theory and 'knowledge' about the stages of
mediation, mediation models, problem solving techniques, behavior
change, power balancing, agreement formation and so on. Much
of the literature on mediator training include lists of required
skill areas, like these. Certainly, there has been a recognition
that something beyond 'book learning' and practiced technique is required.
Some taxonomies of skills specify personal qualities, such as mediator
'awareness of his or her personal characteristics and how these characteristics
might affect mediation participants, the process and the outcome'
(Herrman, et al, Negotiation Journal 17(2), p 142). Family Mediation
Canada has developed an impressive list of mediator 'tasks' including
items such as 'maintain impartiality and objectivity, build rapport
and trust through demonstration of understanding of the participants,
set a cooperative tone, and manage the emotional climate'. (unpublished
Final Report of the Nat'l Certification Implementation Pilot Project,
L. Nielsen and P. English, 1999)
Herrman et al include knowledge of 'what it means to be open and nonjudgmental,
self-assured and respectful to self and others', understanding of
the role of authority, and 'cognizance of personal sensitivities'
as examples of personal skills. This may be as close as the
literature on mediator behaviors comes to suggesting that clients
are impacted by the mediator's personal style or way of being in relation
to the client. Family Mediation Canada makes this idea more
concrete by identifying the attributes that underlie the subjective,
artful practice of mediation: non-judgmental, warm, able to
be firm without the need to control the parties or the outcome, flexible,
level-headed and caring, patient, self-aware, interpersonally intelligent,
to name a few. Michael Lang and Allison Taylor, in The Making
Of A Mediator (Jossey-Bass, 2000), identify characteristics of
the 'reflective practitioner', including 'willingness to see perspectives
other than their own', 'open to new information' and 'not seeing themselves
as experts' (p123).
Continued on Page 8
Resolving
Issues 2
